Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
