Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
