Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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