She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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