Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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