fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
