Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
