I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize