Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
