im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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