So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
