my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
