I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
