yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
