i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
