Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
