why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize