he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
