Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
