I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
