quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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