He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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