You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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