my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
