i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
