you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
