I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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