i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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