Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
