Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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