I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize