new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
