Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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