just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
