i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
