I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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