Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
