Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
