he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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