you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize