hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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