You work out of a Hotel?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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