i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
