i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
