Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
