Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, beer. Big fan.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
