im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
