will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think i got beer on your cat.
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