# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
