Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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