He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
