I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
