we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
