Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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