Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
