Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
