i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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