he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
