false alarm. still invincible.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
