I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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