I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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