Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
