After last night, I could never be a politician.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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