he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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