She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
