I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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