turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
