What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
