i permit you to call me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
