I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize