jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
