So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
