whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
