STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And then he peed in my hair
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