good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
