Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
