I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
