woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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