Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
