Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
