Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
