Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
