Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
