I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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